Goodbye my 20's.

So, this is the last day I will ever be able to live in my 20's. I can never go back. I'm grieving it, pathetically. To say goodbye to my 20's..I decided to give them some credit for making me who I am.

Goodbye 20- You were a year of confusion. I didn't know where I was going or where I would end up. I floated around a lot when I was 20 years old and was always afraid of not getting the things I wished for in life.

Goodbye 21- Goodbye my bartending school, my bartending job hunt, my brief experience with Shawnee State. Goodbye my "legal licence" to have a drink and remember, to get an apartment by myself, to afford my bills and to kick back with my friends.

Goodbye 22- Goodbye my sorrow of a mother with breast cancer. Goodbye my then boyfriend, my now husband who helped support me through it by putting on women's stockings and parading in front of others to help raise money for breast cancer. Goodbye my friends who I once had no responsibity with who are now mothers like I am. Goodbye my first real job.

Goodbye 23- Goodbye my first trip to Disney World and to the little girl on the fairy boat telling me that it would be ok. Goodbye to the night I got engaged right before we went to a festival. Goodbye how I would look and clean my engagement ring on an hourly basis. Goodbye my engagement party. Goodbye to the World Trade Centers, to them memory of all the sadness that caused.

Goodbye 24- Goodbye wedding planning magazines, the knot.com, goodbye chosing the colors of my bridesmaids dress, the vendors and of course the night I went by myself to chose my wedding dress.

Goodbye 25- Wow, this the next few will be emotional for me. -Goodbye my wedding and all the wonderful people who came from all over to watch me marry my husband. -Goodbye my father, who I miss so dearly, I wish I could have had more time with you on earth. Your grandchildren would have adored you. -Goodbye my sadness and grief, I will never miss you.

Goodbye 26- You brought me grief and joy. Goodbye Clomid, Fertility tests, progesterone, HSGs and bloodtests, goodbye to my conception problems. Goodbye to the wonder if I'd ever be a mom. -Goodbye my first positive pregnancy test(s), my morning sickness, my dizzy spells and the night I banned Taco Bell. -Goodbye to the first time I felt my first baby move in my belly. -Goodbye the hours I spent choosing names and bedding. -Goodbye spreading my father's ashes in the wind over Lake Ontario. Goodbye my trip to Mertle Beach, goodbye my first and only trip to Las Vegas.

Goodbye 27- You were an incredible year that I will always look fondly back on. -Goodbye the 24 hours of labor. -Goodbye that moment I first held my Daughter, first diapered her, first held her. Goodbye post partum depression. -Goodbye the guilt I had from not breastfeeding her. -Goodbye Gymboree classes and the beauty of being a first time mother.

Goodbye 28- Goodbye the pregnancy test telling me I was pregnant with my son. Goodbye the fear of not knowing if I could handle two children. Goodbye my first home with my husband. Goodbye to the nursery that I sat hours rocking my firstborn in. Goodbye the butterflies on her wall. Goodbye to the blueprints and the decisions that come with building a home. Goodbye to the birth of my son. Goodbye to the name choices, the bedding choices, the planning and to the first time I ever held you. .

Goodbye 29- Goodbye my Madelyn's diapers, I'm glad yet so sad to see you go. Goodbye to regrets, doubts, and insecurities of being a mother and wife. Goodbye to first birthday parties and smashed cake. Goodbye breastfeeding and the blessing of being able to be a first time mother.

Goodbye my 20's.